Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
