Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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