First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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