go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
