cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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