I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
