"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
