Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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