I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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