found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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