I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
