you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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