the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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