I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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