He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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