I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
