and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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