One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What a dumb baby whore.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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