You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
