I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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