Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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