k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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