I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
