My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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