You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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