Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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