This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
