i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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