hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize