when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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