I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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