i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
