I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
