think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
