His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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