It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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