He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
