with your own penis?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
