hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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