I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
