Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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