last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
