I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
