What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
