I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
