Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
