so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
