Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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