if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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