Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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