Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
