i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
