I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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