Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
