imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
