youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
