Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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