farters have to be the big spoon...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
