Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
