Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
