Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize