Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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