i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
