New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
