I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
