i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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