Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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