well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
