I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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