I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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