I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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