Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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