what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
