the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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