Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im holly from the hills drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
