That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there's paper in my vomit.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
