she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
