I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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