bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
