last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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