About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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