I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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