She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
