i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
