He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
