is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
