what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize