Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why is half of my head shaved?
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