3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
